Growing Up with Mimi

Its hard sometimes, being the oldest grandchild in my family. I was the first for everything, first to walk, talk, go away to college. My relationship with my grandma is a lot different then every other grandchild. I was the one who officially named her “Mimi” when I made it up when I was little. And that’s her name to her other 11 grandchildren now too.  Whats making me write about her actually is that I have finally realized how much she means to me, how much she does for me and how much I would absolutely miss her if she wasn’t here. She lives right across the street and whenever im bored or I just want to talk to someone, all I have to do is walk across the street. She spoils me so much, I mean I am the first grandchild, but she really is the best grandma. Today she actually asked me to go get my nails done with her. I just love going out with her and talking, she is the best listener and even when shes being honest, shes so nice about it I cant even get mad. Actually I can never ever get mad at her because shes just too sweet. I cant even imagine not having her here, im dreading the day that she wont be.  But for now im taking advantage of having such an amazing Grandma and now that im older, she is one of my good friends. I see her about once a week, and that’s not good enough for her. She called me “stranger” when I saw her today and I saw her 5 days ago! She just knows how to make any person feel special and loved and that’s what I look forward to every time I see her.

I have some funny stories from when I was little and Mimi would babysit me while my mom worked. After one day of her babysitting me, I decided to go home and tell my mom that all she did was drink beer all day, meanwhile she has never had a beer in her life. Then I went on to tell my mom that she kicked me off the chair. I have no idea where I cane up with that stuff but it wasn’t true at all. We still talk about that till this day.  Mimi doesn’t forget anything. So be careful what you do or say around her. But that’s something I love, that she remembers things from when I was a baby and still likes to talk about it.

Happy or not?

Can you ever really be happy when your heart is telling you one thing, and your mind is telling you another? Can you ever really be happy when your torn in two?  Between what you want and what is the best for you? No, you can’t be. Or at least I can’t. it seems like it’s a lose, lose situation anyway I look at it. But I also just may be stupid. Either way it sucks. First boyfriends will always have spots in your heart, really no matter what happens. My mom still stalks her first boyfriend on facebook or google till this day, and they dated in highschool. So she understands why I still feel the way I do, even after he was unloyal. And yeah I may be dumb and naïve and whatever else, but im not going to deny the way my heart feels, even when I know better. Part of me wants to be with him and hope for the best, while another part wants to get him out of my life completely. But I am so torn that I haven’t been able to do either, I can’t decide. I might look like an idiot, but in the end I have to do what makes me happy. People may never be happy about it, and people may look at me differently but if I'm going to make myself learn the hard way again, then thats my decision and they can tell me "i told you so" afterwards. But i know i can't make decisions depending on how other people feel, i have to do it for me. And i have to follow my heart.

TRUE best friend.

Laura Holfester. my true best friend. we met in ballet when we were 4 and then started irish step dancing together from then. we grew up together through dance since it was so intense and we did it till we were 15 . we were always together at practice and at competitions that we had every single weekend. we traveled all over the world together for nationals and even to ireland for worlds. after i hurt my knee bad when i was 15 i stopped dancing, but we still stayed close. we would always talk and keep in touch even though we didn't see each other much. when we both started driving we started seeing each other almost every weekend, taking turns going to each others houses. she became the only one that didn't judge me, no matter what i did or said. she didn't make me feel bad, even when she was giving me a harsh honest answer. i can trust her with anything in my life and know that she will be there with me through thick and thin. her grandma is really sick and she is away at school at towson so i haven't seen her since school started. but i make sure to call her every night and see how she is. she's coming home next semester and going to hofstra. she wants to be home and closer to her grandma thats lived in her house her whole life. her family is like a second family to me that has been there for me and supported me as much as laura in dance and whatever else i loved to do. so seeing laura upset and her grandma sick makes me so upset too. but i know this friendship is going to last forever, because we love and care about each other too much to hurt each other in any way. we understand each other and we know how to make each other happy. i haven't really found that with anyone else but I'm glad i found it with her. some friends come in and out of your life, but the ones that will be there forever are there no matter what.

My Mom

as said by almost everyone, my mom is the best. but really, she's the best mom out there. we may argue all the time because we are way more alike then we realize and we but heads, but we get over it right away and its like we never argued at all. she is super hyper and doesn't ever sit down, and at dinner she makes sure everybody gets enough food and shell eat the crumbs if there isn't enough. she is the most generous person i have ever met, and she thinks about everyone and everything before herself. she gave up everything for my siblings and i, her job, her social life. and i don't think i would have had the same amazing experiences growing up if she didn't give up what she did. she decided that having a big family and focusing 100% of her time on us, is what she wanted and really loved. and she did better than any mom i know, raising 5 of us while my dad worked to pay for us. she fully dedicated and committed herself to making our lives so easy and making each and every one of us the happiest we can be, and i look at her and pray that i can be that way when i become a mother. i love her more than anything in this world and i know that sometimes i may not show it, but i do. and i want her to know that. seeing how important we are to her makes me realize how badly she wanted to be a mother and how badly she wanted to succeed. she would take a bullet for us and if we were ever upset or in trouble she would be the first one there defending us. this is more of a thank you to her, so thank you mom for everything. i really look up to you and love you. and i hope to be able to raise such amazing kids just like you did.

New Shoes

As I open the box the smell crawls up my nose,

 I remove the tissue paper that lies inside to dispose.

 They’re removed from the box and with anticipation I crinkle my toes.

 New shoes.

 I slide the shoe onto my foot, slip my heel in as I wiggle the tongue.

 With Nikes on my feet I always feel that I have won.

The Meyer Family

my family is insane. all the time. whatever it is that we are doing, we always make sure that we are having fun. we don't take too much that seriously and we always joke around with each other. well i shouldn't say my entire family, just my moms side. she was the oldest of 4 and they are all very close. my moms parents live across the street in the house she grew up in, her brother lives behind her and her 2 sisters live opposite ways down that same block. so it shows how close they were and ant to continue to be. we have a habit of playing pranks on each other so last year when we were at my aunts for a family dinner during christmas time me and my mom played the best prank. my aunt had her christmas tree up with a lot of ornaments, most them being those icicles. so me and my mom decided to hang up tampons on the tree to see how long it took to tell them apart from the actual icicle ornaments. it took her until she was putting the tree away to realize. so that is just a preview of some of the shit we do to each other. being the oldest grandchild in my family, i was the guinny pig for almost everything, and now I'm more of an aunt to all of my cousins because the age difference is about 12 years. i kind of like it though, because i have 12 younger kids, including my siblings, looking up to me.
one of my cousins just had a costume party for her first birthday. and being the crazy family we are, we went all out. my mom does absolutely EVERYTHING for us and she got us everything we needed. we decided to be the addams family and not to brag, but we were the best at the party. i  don't even know all of the names of the people in the addams family, but by our picture i can tell it was the best impression there could be. the relationship with my family is crazy and i know that but i would do anything for any of them and they would do anything for me, even if we had argued a minute before. being away at school, even though I'm not far at all, it is so different not having them around. i miss the loudness and the bickering and the tattling and our dinners together, thats why i try to stop home and surprise them as much as i can. i wouldnt ask for anything more.
but in the beginning when i said the relationship was with my moms side, thats because we haven't spoken to my dads parents in years. its actually sad and pathetic and i could not even tell you the real story as to why they ignore me and my 4 amazing brothers and sisters. but they are the reason as to why i am so against abusive relationships and domestic violence. my dad had to watch his mother get hit and screamed at growing up and he left the house when he was 18 because of it. my grandpa, who clearly had issues with being the only one in charge, took my dad leaving very personally and now they just do not speak. its sad, but its my grandparents loss. my parents made 5 beautiful, respectful children and its like we are not even alive to them, so they aren't alive to us. but enough with this its starting to piss me off. just take a look at what my parents have raised and the fun we have together, either as the Meyer Family, or the Addams Family.